Chasing Oblivion

I honestly have no idea what to write here.

Script Frenzy is sucking all of my creative energies. I have nothing left.

Still, over 30 pages in only five days is a pretty impressive feat. Yay.

So, since I decided to vlog my Screnzy progress (http://youtube.com/user/ShelbyDanvers), I'm just going to post occasional updates here.

The first weekend of Screnzy went pretty well, if I do say so myself. I managed to get up to about 18 pages by Sunday. I decided to go with the Zombie Retrieval Agency idea, and I'm trying to adapt (I use this term loosely, because the material I'm adapting was actually eaten by an evil computer, and I'm working off memory of how it went) the original story that I wrote for NaNo '10.

So far, I've got this: main character Jaide is released from a rehabilitation facility meant to teach people how to function in normal society after 10 years or so of living in a zombie-infested world. A several-month long ordeal in which she was stranded and alone has left her with PTSD, anxiety, and she just doesn't really like people. Naturally, her attempts to integrate into society are failing pretty hard.

Meanwhile, the newly established Zombie Retrieval Agency is struggling. Since they provide a highly demanded and important service, they manage to pull in a decent paycheck while everyone else struggles to make ends meet. This means that a lot of people are desperate enough to sign up, but few actually last. Some even kill themselves from the stress of it.

The last scene I wrote was Jaide signing up for an undead defense class, put on by the ZRA.

My favorite character in the script so far is Sue Bowers. She looks like a tough, punk/goth sort, and she swears enough to make me uncomfortable, but she's a good person. Better than that stupid religious cult that's stalking her for actually calling them a cult, anyway.

And welcome to another month of blogging here at SD HQ!

Today's gotten off to a good start. I stayed up late last night, because I wanted to get a nice head start at Script Frenzy (more info at scriptfrenzy.org). I wrote about 5 pages before I crashed and had to go to bed. But not before recording my first-ever YouTube video about it.

I fell for my first April Fool's joke on the House of Netjer forums. I doubt we would be changing the name of our religion after so many years. Good one!

As you can probably tell by the first line, I've also decided to give NaBloPoMo another go round. Maybe this time I'll actually post to the site instead of hiding over here?

Probably the only bad thing so far is that the weather is seriously yuck right now.

That's it for this morning.

I did it. I actually came out to someone who had not previously known that I was gay.

The thing is, I keep imagining "coming out" as this serious, over-dramatic process. I sit the person down, explain that I have something really important to tell them, etc. And that gets me all worked up and nervous and blah, blah, blah.

I was having a drink with a friend I sometimes hang out with, plus one of his friends. I was telling a story about some stupid guys who had come in and tried to hit on me at work. We were all having a good laugh about it. Then Tim (the friend) asks me: "so, what are you going to say to the next guy who does that?"

I shrugged and replied, "I'm gonna tell him I'm a lesbian." We all had a good laugh.

Later on, I was explaining why I couldn't meet them today. There was a Kemetic Orthodox Naming ceremony tonight that I wanted to attend. Of course, this brings about the whole religion discussion, because Tim is the sort who believes there are only two ways to go - Christian or atheist.

I'm not exactly sure how we started talking about LGBT stuff. I think I might have mentioned the Facebook anti-homophobia thing, and that one of the hardest forms of it to battle was religion-based homophobia. Tim commented that he thought I was against homosexuality completely. Well, that's the sort of misconception that needs to be nipped in the bud.

"I'm a lesbian," I blurted out. "How could I be against homosexuality?"

Cue the blank what-did-she-just-say look. "Oh," Tim says. "Okay...well, I won't hold it against ya."

Time will tell, I suppose. But it's one small step towards reclaiming my identity. One small step out of that damn closet.
 

Today, a prompt from the NaBloPoMo website: What do you do to cheer yourself up?

I have a few methods, but most of them rely on me being in only a moderately bad mood. I have only one way that's guaranteed to solve whatever foul, miserable mood I throw at it.

Disturbed.

The band, that is. I don't know what it is about their music that manages to miraculously cure whatever's wrong with me, but it does. I could be flat-out homocidal, suicidal, ready to fall asleep where I stand, anything. And then I'll put on some Disturbed and bang, everything's okay again. Something about the beats, David Draiman's voice, how the music encourages me to sing along until my throat's raw and all the emotional poison's been worked out of my system. I love it, and I love this band.

I'm posting two of these in a row for two reasons. One, I've been neglecting this blog series. The second, and more important reason, is that today, March 22nd, is the third anniversary of my Rite of Parent Divination and my decision to become Shemsu, thus making me a full convert to Kemetic Orthodoxy.

Links to Part One, Part Two, and Part Three

Today, I did something I never would have believed I would get to do.

I stood at the graveside of Albert and Vera Dick, who were First-Class passengers on the Titanic.

It was cold and snowing when I got off work today, but I was determined. I must have searched for more than forty-five minutes, having only the vaguest knowledge of how the cemetary was laid out. Most of the grave markers were covered in snow. I remembered seeing a bush in a photo of their gravesite taken for a Titanic website, and eventually, I found it.

It was an overwhelming moment, much like staring at that memorial wall at the Artifact Exhibition, and I had to fight back tears. I sat there for a while, just talking to them. I can't imagine they get many visitors aside from family, and especially not random visitors who trudge through cold and snow. I wish I were more eloquent, so I could better describe what I felt as I sat there.

Eventually, though, I realized how cold and wet I was becoming, and I had to leave.